swimming prose

On a Road Trip

2011-12-29T04:13:00.003+08:00

(written in 2008)

The pale and hazy moon

Above the endless dark fields

Is my only solace,

As we speed through this lonely road

On this trip that is taking too long.

I want to say goodnight to love.

The path to the highway seems endless,

And I am kept awake

By the bumps and turns

Of this shortcut we have taken.

Though I am keeping an eye on the road,

I want to say goodnight to love.

In the Centrifuge

2007-12-06T17:59:00.000+08:00

When love is tired, does it retire?
Can you blame a man for taking refuge,
Even though it pains him inside?

When the body is exhausted,
And the mind is screaming for respite,
Is it wrong to expect for something more,
More tangible than what fingers can send,
More meaningful than what inebriated words convey?

Maybe it is wrong to have some expectations,
But can you blame a man to want to move up the ladder
When he feels like he has gone through the first steps?

When your love is true, why do I feel so blue?
Would it be hard to answer the question "what am I to you?"
When you feel that you do?
Or maybe it would be better or best
To find solace that time would provide the answer for you.

When loving you becomes harder,
Could you lend a hand to make it easier?
Or maybe I should also question if my love is true,
Because even my questions may all be askew.
Then I should find solace that time would provide me answers, too.

come away with me

2007-09-12T09:24:00.000+08:00

The first time I heard this song, I felt sleepy and bored. It was playing on Shiho's car as she was driving us to West Beach, Indiana, some years ago. It was a lazy, dreamy, & peaceful day. I learned to love the song ever since, and longed to hear it everytime I felt nostalgic, melancholic and longing for that idyllic day spent with friends I felt close with.

This past weekend, while working from home (yes, that's right), I browsed through old pictures of Chicago and couldn't help playing this song again. It is a classic for me- a song that I will always keep playing. And it again represents how I feel starting this past weekend and probably for weeks to come...

Come Away With Me
Nora Jones

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

Eulogy for Desideria Belandres Tolentino

2007-08-08T11:12:00.000+08:00

(from the voices of her brothers and sisters)
07.29.2007

We all go through life learning lessons. Small lessons we learn everyday, or those great ones we sometimes have to learn the hard way. But the Belandres family, our family, was blessed to have a great teacher in our midst. We were truly blessed to have Desideria or Desing – our teacher, not only of school lessons, but our mentor as we went through life’s great lessons.

She was our motivator, pushing us to excel in academics, who taught us the value of good education.

She was our surrogate mother in our early years, always having a special place in her home for her sisters, always caring, concerned, and attending to our daily needs.

She was a dutiful and selfless daughter and sister, who inspires us with the sacrifices she made to care for her parents and siblings. With her earnings as a teacher in elementary school, she selflessly provided for the educational needs, not only of her brothers and sisters, but also of others who needed her help as well.

She was a beautiful and good-hearted person, who gives and loves without expecting anything in return.

She was a wonderful soul, whose life is an inspiration to all of us. She lived life fully, lovingly, and in a way which taught us the greatest lessons in life.

I can picture Desing in her early teaching years, walking along the unpaved, rough roads of Barotac to school. Now, she walks with angels, in a path laden with the most beautiful roses and orchids, and illuminated with the most brilliant of lights.

Thank you, Desing, for passing through our lives, from your brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces. Your memories and lessons will always remain in our hearts.

Anticipating

2007-07-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Like a little boy holding a boat-shaped ice cream bar
he just bought from a nearby sari-sari store
in the dead heat of summer,
His happiness contained in moments of anticipation,
My soul is refreshed, elated
By the mere sight of your glowing smile
And the twinkle of your almond eyes.

Anticipating our next encounter
I am restless, fidgeting
Searching for what can be done
What I could do
To fill the void.

Until I am once again in the vicinity
Of your sweet, glowing smile
And the twinkle of your almond eyes
Like stars that fall from the night sky
Directly into my heart.

one fine Wednesday morning

2007-07-04T09:15:00.000+08:00

My day didn’t start as well as I have hoped today. Crazy drivers seemed to be on the loose today in Marcos Highway! I wondered WHAT IS UP with today with everyone rushing, driving aggressively, seeming not to care if they hit, scratch, or bump the other vehicles around them. I nearly had an encounter with probably 2 or 3 stupid drivers! (Sorry for the language – it just feels good to let all the steam out.) At one point, I thought a motorcycle hit my rear bumper, since I felt the car nudged forward a bit. So when I got to the parking lot near the office, I checked the rear end of the car. Luckily, there was no sign that I got hit, so that nudge was probably just a result of my lack of sleep. But then I noticed a new scratch on the trunk. It’s a deep one, though small, and I felt a frustrated (yet again) thinking how and when I got it.

So just when I thought I will probably not be able to recover from the negative feelings which started my day, God seemed to have heard my subconscious prayer. As I was having breakfast, I browsed some old text messages and found this one from my cousin Nico:

Things we must be thankful for:
1. Worries at the start of day: means you’re still alive
2. Headache at the end of the day: means you can still work hard
3. Clothes that don’t fit: means you have a good appetite
4. The mess to clean after a party: means you have friends around you
5. Roof that needs fixing: means you’ve got a house
6. Taxes to pay: means you’re not unemployed
7. Heartaches: means you love selflessly
8. Too many text messages: means you are remembered much

Okay, so that made me feel better. Aside from the very apt first point, I’d also like to customize the fifth point to:
5. Car scratches that needs fixing: means you’ve got a car

It’s ironic how we sometimes find these types of SMS corny, but then sometimes they hit us at the right moment and they make us re-think, smile, and feel better.

Of course it also helps to get that extra rush from the greeting and encouragement of someone you care about. It certainly makes your day sunnier!

Muse

2007-06-18T18:57:00.000+08:00

An old acquaintance and now a new-found friend has been encouraging me to write more. Even after a long time of not pursuing this passion, of just gathering dust on the books I bought and would like to read, somehow her encouragement propels me to pick up the pen, or rather, divert my typing skills to a more favorable pursuit for myself. She lights that small flame of inspiration on me, and I am grateful. She reminds me of those last lines from one of my favorite movies of all time, "Shakespeare in Love."

In this finale, Viola, Will Shakespeare’s lover, helps him concoct the beginnings of a new comedy, as she is about to sail to America with her new husband from an arranged marriage. Will writes:

My story starts at sea…a perilous
voyage to an unknown land…a shipwreck

the wild waters roar and heave…the
brave vessel is dashed all to pieces,
and all the helpless souls within her
drowned

all save one … a lady

whose soul is greater than the ocean …
and her spirit stronger than the sea's
embrace … not for her watery end, but
a new life beginning on a stranger
shore

It will be a love story … for she will
be my heroine for all time
and her name will be … Viola.

To my muse, thank you.

Consider the other

2007-01-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

(For Leng, one night in 10.2006)

Consider this other pleasure
of smoking:
The thin white line from the tip
drifting slowly up
in unpredictable yet consistent pattern
eventually mix with the air
and vanishes
like broken promises
that diminishes
in your memory
with time.

The lost spark of love
and his casual disregard
of commitment - it is simply
(or at least can be considered)
the uneasy filled feeling
of reaching that alcohol limit
in a party that is bound to end,
with guests leaving
to party again another day.

Consider this other beauty
of living:
Loves lost and found
are as eternal as the wonder
of a full moon-
eventually giving way
to an equally, if not more,
serene and peaceful sunrise
that signals the start
of another day,
of exciting possibilities.

+Thoughts

2006-09-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

You probably think, Ate,
That the millions of cubic meters of the Pacific
Divides us
and that you are, most certainly, estranged
from our home’s familiar sounds,
the whizzing of the aquarium’s filter,
the longing moan of Miming to her lover.

But what is amazing is that
my thoughts permeate the air that you breathe.
They become a part of you everyday.
The beads of sweat inching its way
down my forehead in this
perennial heat of Manila
I believe
is the same miraculous drops that surge
through your quiet life in California.

The mind is so powerful, Ate,
that it can, most certainly, dissolve
those millions of cubic meters of the Pacific.
It leaves us to find
that the land beneath your feet
Connects us
as it is the same land as mine.

So you see, Ate,
the sweet scent of our garden flowers
I thought of
is the very wisp of essence
You just inhaled
as you sit down for breakfast.
And this glorious moon beam
I perceived
radiates in the warmth
You feel
as you take in
the blissful morning sunshine.

I carry your heart with me

2006-09-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

For mommy and daddy

When I imagine you as me
as a child with innocent eyes, vulnerable,
I am inexplicably filled like a child.
And I am overwhelmed with how I love you,
how I carry your heart with me,
how I carry it in my heart.

This exercise I will always keep,
For it is easy to resent you.
But it is only me that I really resent
when I blame you for not being there,
when I hate the way that we cannot see
the things in the same light.

Now, when I look at you
I remember that you are me.
Children, both programmed,
Values distorted, but once
possessed those innocent eyes.

Here is the secret everyone once knew,
here is the core of the core,
the depth of the depth of this
ocean called life; I know
I carry your heart with me,
I carry it in my heart.

(Inspired by ee cummings' poem of the same title and by the PSI seminar. 09.21.06 )

Starting Anew

2006-09-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

(after handing in my resignation letter – 07.28.06)

My heart is filled with silent happiness
It is filled with inner peace
For I am like a bird
Ready to fly away
To explore new skies
And hopefully
Change the hues of the horizon
To red, red orange, orange yellow
To match the glory of sunrise
Over the dark grey mood
Of this rainy wet day.

My heart is filled with repressed joy
It is filled with amazing wonder
For I am who I am
I am a swimmer
Ready to explore new waters
To cut through a new lane
And feel the joy of the cool ripples
Pass through my bare skin
My soul, I am refreshed
I am alive!
I am liberated!
I am
Ready to plunge
Again
In the cool and crisp
Waters
Of life.

I am now a blogger :)

2006-06-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

Many of my friends have been encouraging me to post blogs because they say you will get to practice writing, and you'll discover your hidden talent again. And so, I'm trying this out and I'm starting to believe them. I hope I'll be able to continue this. Anyway, I believe that this beats writing my thoughts in my Starbucks planner. I just have to find time to be online again and be in front of the computer after more than 8 hours every weekday of being in front of one already.

I'm excited to read the blogs of friends who I have been out of touch with for the past months. :)

~~ swimming prose ~~